So, Happy 2012 New Year everyone! Whoohoo! I was asleep with my Meetsy Mao (my beautiful black 10 month old kitten by 10:30pm after she and I toasted the new year in with sparkling cherry juice! She wasn’t too impressed with it, but I was. I think she just doesn’t like things that tickle her nose, unless it’s my finger :). I thank God for Meetsy. She’s the only being on the face of the earth today that loves me unconditionally. We sleep together, play together and watch DVDs together. When the weather gets warmer I’m going to try to train her to walk with me outside on a little dog leash. Why not. God gave her to me, He can surely help me train her to go places with me.

Meetsy’s name is German and Egyption. Meetsy is German for kitty and Mao is Egyption for cat, so if I say her full name I’m actually calling her Kitty Cat. Is that cool? She’s pure black without a speck of white on her and so mild mannered and mellow most of the time unless I give her wet food that she really enjoys, and then she goes super crazy, running up onto my bed to the end of my pillow and then speeding off the bed and over to our door. She’s so nutty and makes me laugh those times. Meetsy and I live in a sober boarding house right now and have one room for ourselves, but it’s fine for now. We both adapt.
God gave me Meetsy because he told me to go into a new pet store that opened in town back in September last year to see if there were any postings for kittens or cats, and sure enough there was a page on Meetsy stating she had been spayed, defleaed, had all her shots and would be free to a good home. All I had to do was call, and within a day she was mine. It’s she and me for family now, and I thank God for her. Here’s a couple of pictures of her:
Isn’t she just so beautiful, playful and sleek. God is good to me because I’m doing the next right thing in my walk in recovery. I try at least. I have to say that I allowed myself to become very depressed over the holidays without hearing from my children, as I expected they wouldn’t call. You see I believe the three of them: one son 35 living in South Jersey, my daughter 32 living in Manhatten with her husband, and my youngest 21 year old son who lives with my ex up near Albany NY two hours a way all
believe I should have returned to my husband when I came out of the year long substance abuse facility.I now they’re entitled to their thinking, but it hurts just the same.
I feel as though I’ve not only lost my two sons to death, but now have lost my living children as well. I’ve just decided to try hard one day at a time to live as if I’m a childless woman. There was a time in the past year that I called them all weekly. I tried. My oldest son and daughter are married, and always sounded too busy to speak. And neither of the in the almost two years that I’ve been clean have ever called to check on me once. My oldest son and his wife visited me at the long term facility once two Augusts ago in 2010, and I haven’t seen him since. I believe the last time I’ve seen my daughter was at her brother’s memorial in August 2006. As for my 21 year old, he’s just plain disgusted with all me behaviors at the end of my using and simply doesn’t want to talk with me. The last time I saw him was January 22, 2011, almost a year now. He and I were so close.

My New Years Resolution is to simply continue doing the next right thing, go to my NA meetings, finish my outpatient substance abuse treatment and Hep C Interferon injections in May, start back in my old College to finish my degree as I only owe them 21 credits, and keep working on my steps. I also want to get a section 8 small studio apt. I’ve already filed for SSI so I can be as sure as I’m able that I’ll always be able to afford my psych and medical medications, as I have Bipolar Disorder with depressive features, Anxiety disorder, osteoarthritis that keeps worsening, and other maladies. I’m really hoping that after this year of being on the Interferon injections and Ribaviron capsules my Hep C will be in full remission.

I’m typing this on what I hope is my last night in our local Ellenville Regional Hospital because this is Friday, and I’ve been here since Monday. I caught a virus and became severely anemic because of the chemotherapy I’m on, and received two units packed red blood cells, lots and lots of IV fluids as well as a slew of IV Rocephen and IV Azithromycin (the heavy hitters 🙂 I want to get back to Meetsy and start taking Christmas and the tree down in our room.

Well, that’s about it for now, except that I’m truly grateful for hands that type, a computer and WIFI to type on , friends that have visited me, the wonderful nurses and doctors here, free tv and phone here in the hospital, good food, that I’m alive, and most of all that all my lost loved ones up in heave are looking out for me every day. Oh, one more thing, as I walk everywhere and have been short of breath on hills and have noticed I’m tripping over my feet, I asked for a PT evaluation, and they gave me a cane to use for support when I need it. So when I’m pulling my shopping cart in town, and feel I need some assist, I’ll have the cane. God is good, even though I’m only 51, I’m a bit of an ill 51 at present. Chat later….stay warm all of you in the winter states, and I envy you where it’s warm!


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